A couple stories

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A couple stories

Post  Leon Marzon95 on Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:58 pm

Here are a couple stories I wrote a couple years ago and they were liked by my teachers and I also put a lot of hard work into them. I thought I'd put them up here because this section was empty.
I don't like the beginning of my first story and I'm sure you won't, but my teacher lost my introduction that I had before and it was kick ass, but I ended up making a bad one as I couldn't remember my old one.
I hope you all end up reading these stories even though it's a lot.(Nothing compared to an actual book!)
Also, I know it may be corny, but give me a break, I was only like 10!(These stories were based on God of War and The Odyssey by the way and Prince of Persia and whatever else I was thinking back then ^_^)
The second story is an epilogue/extension to the book "The Prince and The Pauper".
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Julius Maximus
By: Ashraful

The Golden Dragon Sword they say, never been attained by man. Too many people fear the sword for attaining it; you must go on a perilous journey. Brave heroes have tried, but have only fell to their doom, but among these people is a hero that is determined to achieve this sword…Julius Maximus.
The sword isn’t just any sword, but it’s something that can determine the fate of the world. No one knows why the Gods made this sword, but people also gossip saying that whoever gets this sword can also become… a God.
It’s been four years since Julius had started his journey; half of his men were gone leaving two hundred. Some died from starvation, some from illness, and many from battle.
Julius had just finished fighting a battle against man-eating vultures and he had lost his closest friend, he was basically a son he never had. All together, they lost eighteen men. The soldiers were all losing hope of ever surviving and were infuriated at the two monsters, Exilius and Aero for those monsters had destroyed a quarter of his remaining men and demolished all of their ships. They were lucky enough to wash up on shore.
Their current location was in the Arabian Desert which was in Eurasia, but they didn’t know they were in that location, they just knew that they were in a desert. Their supplies were depleted while they were looking for a place to rest. Julius wasn’t hurt emotionally for the last six years, but today he was, it was Sophos, the boy he considered a son was lost, but he had to keep his hopes up and be a leader for his men.
After going on for another day and losing a few more men to thirst and starvation, they found a small, but famous town called Al-Jabar. It was famous for its heroes and valuables.
Julius and his men weren’t sure if they should go because the town could be hostile to them. Julius took three of his men with him and they were welcomed and treated along with the rest of his men, Julius was, after all, a very famous man known for his combat skills and heroism.
Once everybody finished eating, they all went to rest and many of them fell asleep. After some time, Julius woke up from a nightmare. It was the boy, he was falling to his death and in mid-air his head was bit off. Julius couldn’t do anything; he only found his mouth agape and speechless.
“Urh, what a nightmare…I forgot! I must find that map maker, I think his name was…Insaan Musala. I just hope he’s awake.” Once Julius left the room, he asked one of the guards where Insaan lived, they told him he lived in a hut and gave him the directions to is hut.
“Finally…I hope this guy is what the people say he is.” When Julius entered the hut, he was immediately sucked in by the sand. He then found himself inside a cave, then instantly, dual swords came down from the top.
“Dual swords, huh? The weapon of my type comes to me…unusual.” He took the swords and started walking, aware of a zombie, skeleton or any monster, but instead, he found what seemed like a maze, a maze that was there from the beginning. Julius was feeling stumped at the time, since he was more of a fighting type than a strategic type even if he was smart.
It seemed to be hours for Julius while he was going through the maze, it also seemed like he was suffocating.
After searching, Julius had found a door and opened it.
“An arena? Hmm, now this is…my thing!” A skeleton popped up right after he had said that and it was armed with a spear. After the skeleton lunged at Julius, Julius had deflected it by hitting it on the side and swung the other sword at the skeleton. It had become a bunch of regular bones and then disappeared.
“So it was summoned? Necromancer…Where is he…” The wizard was behind him, Julius was aware of that, he swung a sword at him and had the sword an inch away from him when the necromancer said “Wait! Answer this riddle and I shall let you live, what has four legs at first, then two, and then three?”
“Human, what else?”
“You are lucky humans, for if you had n…” His head was cut off by Julius.
“Shut up already.”
A door opened up from the bottom and from far, far away, he saw a chained dual sword. The perfect weapon, well almost perfect for Julius, it was a close range weapon and also and medium ranged weapon. There was a slight problem for Julius to get down there though, it was far and he would break his legs of course if he tried, he needed…something magical, something that would help him endure the pain. He thought that the wizard should have something, “Boots probably, should start there.” He found sky blue boots that had wings and clouds on them, he thought they were virtuous boots.
“Probably killed a wizard, conjurers these days…” He went to the hole and told himself “Brace yourself!” He jumped, he thought he was dead, but he wasn’t, he was floating. When he got down, he was prepared for another battle, but again, there was nothing. He took the sword and he felt some kind of power run through him, the chains wrapped around him, it seemed like the swords had a mind of their own. Instantly after that, he was teleported into a hut, the map makers hut.
The swords were still in his hands.
“I see you are still alive…in one piece”
“Yeah, what was that all about?”
“I know what you’re here for, you want the sword don’t you, you want to be a God. You are worthy for you have acquired those swords. I need to know one thing, what will you do if you get the sword?”
“I will…bring back Sophos, I will save him and…I will then become a God forever watching over Sophos. My mind had set on evil, but now I feel different, like I need to do what I am going to do.”
“Come, we shall go, there is a test that awaits you.”
They had left the city and had walked for at least an hour, light was starting to show up in the sky.
A door to a cave came up from the sand when they had approached that location. They entered and then Insaan stopped.
“From here, there will be two tests, the Test Of The Body and the Test Of The Mind, after that, you will meet me and I will then tell you what will be next.” In a flash he had disappeared.
He started walking along the road and after a few minutes found an arena in front of him, he knew this was the test of the body. He entered and found many monsters ready to fight him, luckily, he had three minotaurs on his side. Even though he did have three minotaurs, they were against a cyclops, two giant vultures, five skeletons, and one minotaur lord.
Julius made the first move going to strike the skeletons as they were the weakest and human size. He quickly dispatched three of them when they had surrounded him with a spin attack with his dual swords. Then he threw his chained swords at the two skeletons left that were nocking arrows to shoot at Julius. While that was happening, all of the minotaurs started attacking the cyclops and quickly dispatched it. Julius took the chance to jump on the cyclops while it fell to attack one of the vultures. After jumping off the cyclops, Julius jumped on one of them and started stabbing the vulture. The other one went flying down and clawed his chest, but Julius was still continuously stabbing the vulture and he jumped on the other one. Again, he started stabbing it and it also went flying down to the ground. When Julius was on the ground he saw that one of the minotaurs had fallen and the other two were still fighting, injured. Julius charged toward the enemy and jumped to strike its eyes, he was successful. Blinded, the minotaur started to scream in pain while Julius’s allies continued striking down the enemy.
Julius was teleported to a door immediately after his victory. Once he was there, a sudden surge red of magic went through his body and he felt stronger, he was also healed. Julius thought that this was a piece of a God’s strength. Next would probably be magic as a smart mind has a lot of magic.
Julius opened the door and went through. “Test Of The Mind” he thought. He also felt a headache and fatigue, his mind was straining to work properly. His surrounding was a jungle, but he thought that since this was a test for the mind, it would probably be an illusion, everything, so he told himself to stay on the road. He was attacked by many things, but they were just illusions. After walking for some time, he found a door leading to a room, there, he found a room, in that room he met a person and that person told him that Julius has ten seconds to memorize where the pieces are and what they look like. There were three colors, gold, silver, and bronze. Julius was then told that he had to guess which piece was changed and what color it was before. Also, if he guessed wrong, his brain would be crushed even more making it hard to think and killing him.
He looked through as much as he could, trying to memorize as much as he can in ten seconds. Then everything blacked out and in another five seconds, it seemed as if lights came back on. He looked around seeing what had been changed and he selected the one in the corner. He picked the right one, but the wrong color which was silver, but he had picked gold. He felt his mind being crushed, trying to withstand the pain. This went on for three more times and then finally, almost dead, Julius had gotten it right.
He was teleported again to a door and then felt a blue surge of magic run through his body. He then learned many spells and could do many types of magic.
Julius went through the door and saw Insaan there.
“I see you are still alive, as I expected for the great Julius Maximus.”
“Insaan, what is next?”
“I am sorry friend, but there is a Test Of The Heart ahead, I do not know what will happen in there, but it will have to do with your life, there will be two paths, the righteous path, and the path of selfishness, and evil.”
Julius went through and saw two portals. In one he saw Sophos, and in the other, he saw the Golden Sword. He started feeling tense, the sword was about to be taken by some mysterious person, but he also saw Sophos about to get his head bit off. It was getting very hard for Julius and then without thinking he went to save Sophos. Instantly, he was transported to this mysterious place and on top of a set of stairs, he saw this golden sword.
“The sword!”
“Yes Julius, you had made the right choice of choosing that path, you see, I was a God, but I had lost my lover for it and then I got tired of being a God so I waited for a worthy person, a virtuous person to come and take my place. Julius Maximus, if you desire to be a God, then go up these set of stairs and take the sword.” Julius started walking up and after Julius walked up a few more steps a dragon appeared out of nowhere.
“Julius, get the sword! If you die, then this sword will be gone forever, go I will hold this dragon off! You must get the sword before the dragon kills you and then destroys the whole world!” Julius was running as fast as he could, he turned back to see Insaan ripped in half, Julius was getting closer, closer, and closer, he could feel its power. Julius went to grab the sword and he felt all powerful, he was floating in the air and he was getting higher, he was filled with magic and power, it was running through his eyes. Julius shot out golden magic from his sword toward the dragon and it only stunned it. Julius was ready for the fight of his life.
He flew to the back of the dragon and lunged at it, but the dragon dodged, the dragon face Julius and then sent out a breath of fire at Julius, but Julius flew up to the dragons face and did a flurry on its face damaging it badly and making it roar loudly. Julius took the chance and went high up and started rushing back down for a finishing blow and sent the dragon to oblivion.
Julius found himself outside and saw his chain dual swords and The Golden Sword beside him. He remembered what had happened and then his first though was bringing Sophos back to life. He was a God now so he could do many things. With his sword he just thought of what he wanted to do and his sword did all the work.
A few minutes later, Sophos was alive again and in front of Julius.
“Sophos!” Julius was very content at that moment, he felt even better than when he’d gotten the sword. He told Sophos about what happened and that he was going to watch over him since he was like a son to him. All he had to do was make Sophos the leader of his men and tell them that he was going to be with the Gods.
The men were fine with that and were happy for Julius and happy for themselves since they would be getting back to their families and friends.
In the end, everybody got what they wanted.

END OF FIRST STORY!!!


Last edited by Leon Marzon95 on Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:40 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Leon Marzon95 on Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:59 pm

A Child, A War, And A King
The Prince and the Pauper
By: Ashraful

It was a year after Hendon had married Edith and they had a child! It was a boy and his name was Arthur, he was named after Hendon’s elder brother who had died.
Tom Canty, from the King’s Ward, had become king by getting wed to Elizabeth despite their old age. Elizabeth was Edward’s sister and she had become queen after Edward had died.
“My King, I really desire a child for we need an heir to the throne, who knows when we will pass away?” Elizabeth said.
“The earlier, the better I guess. I don’t want our child to lose us at a young age.” Immediately after that, a messenger rushed in to the room.
“Sire! Italy has declared war! They say we took their general, Lepousse, I tried to convince them we didn’t kidnap their general, but they just slapped me and kicked me out!” the messenger exclaimed.
“If it is war, then let it be! Get out, Her Majesty and I are discussing something important.” The messenger had felt embarrassed for interrupting and thus, left swiftly.
“Elizabeth, My Queen, we will have to post-pone this matter for now. I must to get to Arthur for I require his aid in battle.”
The next day, the king went out to Hendon Hall with a few of his bodyguards like he always does. They had rode quickly and got there in a short matter of time.
Once they had dismounted, they rushed to the castle and were confronted by a guard. The king told him about his hour of need and took them to Arthur.
“Oh! Hello Your Majesty!” The guard told Arthur why the king had come.
“You need my knights I see, how many do you need Your Majesty?
“I need at least three hundred, I seek five hundred or more for my army is outnumbered by about one thousand. We might have many more skilled soldiers than they do, but with one thousand more, they just might topple over my army. Your knights are the best knights that could ever be found in England; I shall also give you whatever you desire if you give me even three hundred for this war is starting to seem like a big one.” Arthur thought for some time and then said “You shall have five hundred, I do not require a reward, for you helped the mighty Edward restore his honor and he helped restore my fathers honor.”
The war ended after three months and was not such an important war for the king and his army easily overcame Italy. Before Italy’s army was wiped out, they surrendered and learned after being told many times that Lepousse was not kidnapped by them, it was the French. The king had let them go for he was known for his forgiveness and that day, England and Italy became allies.
The king went back to his bed chambers and rested. After a few hours, the queen went and asked the king “My lord, shall there be a child or not?”
“Yes, there shall be a child, an heir to the throne!”
A few weeks later, news spread all over England that there will be a little prince of England. There was joy in everybody at that time.
It was hard for Elizabeth, even with many servants, she was old and she was pregnant. This wasn’t how she planned how the months would go by. The amount of times the queen fainted was tremendous and the king had fallen ill. Even though, he still went to check on the queen many times a day, for he loved her dearly.
Five months have gone past since Elizabeth had gotten pregnant and there was four months left until a child would be born. The king started to hire doctors and surgeons for her wife because she had gotten ill just like the king except it was worse.
The four months were hard, but Elizabeth was a strong-willed lady and she withstood it.
“Everybody! Get some hot towels! Hot water! Get the doctors and the surgeons! Get anybody that can help! Now!” the king shouted. Everybody was rushing trying to help, the king, with some help of servants, steadily took the queen to a quiet room and told everybody she was going to her bed chambers. After everybody got the required items, all they could do was wait outside while the doctors and surgeons worked on getting the child.
“………. How much longer? I cannot wait!” The king rushed in to see a baby boy!
“He looks just like Edward, a beautiful child we have my dear. We must raise him properly if he will be a king for England, for now, just rest my dear.”
That day, a new prince was born and his name was Edward the II.

END OF SECOND STORY!!!
(This story was an epilogue to "The Prince and The Pauper".

Thanks for reading these stories! I know it was a lot, but I appreciate it. Very Happy
Please give me a grade on how I did also, no uneducated opinions please!
I know it may have been corny at some parts, but give me a break, I was like 10 and I was playing God of War!


Last edited by Leon Marzon95 on Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: A couple stories

Post  niloc on Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:42 pm

oh... my... god... these are amazing! real pieces of work... the 2nd one not so much... on a scale of one to 20
#1 gets a 17 (you are very repetitive with nouns... use pronouns because I feel like I saw the word julius 100 times throughout the story... overall great read for a 10 year old's short story. bravo)
#2 gets a 09 (it was shorter by far, with no real point, no offence. you could build on what the boy accomplishes later in his life, not just say, 'there was an old royal couple who went to war and had a baby'.

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Leon Marzon95 on Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:39 pm

Oh yeah, I forgot to say, the second story is just an epilogue to the actual book "The Prince and The Pauper".
Thanks by the way Niloc. ^_^

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Re: A couple stories

Post  niloc on Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:40 pm

that makes more sense!lol ok then and no problem

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:42 am

nice stories man
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Wed Feb 18, 2009 6:25 pm

i cannot read that much in a day. that like overloadeed my brain but i still give a 18 for longevity

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:43 am

Copy both stories into a Word Document, save them, read them, delete them, post a comment. Smile
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Thu Feb 19, 2009 2:43 pm

oh there you go. my brains on the wall again!

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Thu Feb 19, 2009 7:09 pm

lol.
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:05 pm

ith noth funtfy! ohg nowth aw cannkot typesdc$

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:02 pm

Ha! You fail Dom.
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:24 pm

alright a little trip to er and iam better!

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:48 pm

Cool.
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:15 pm

ok i had to get a new brain so who are you again?

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Re: A couple stories

Post  Joey125 on Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:20 pm

The names Joey.
I believe your Twat, right?
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Re: A couple stories

Post  Dominic on Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:52 pm

BITCH!!!

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